Hell Week

jan 20     I started to act cold toward him. No i love you’s and short replies

jan 25     I dont know what happened but i suddenly said things that would hurt him and we broke up

 Feb 4     for the past week i have realized what really had happened. I pm-ed him to get online so i can talk to him.  I do not have anything to say to him at all. I missed him, and that is enough.

Feb 5     yey i have money! it’s time to call him and say sorry, yet it did not happened. Once i heard his voice, I was blank.  He is mad, of course, but Im still greatfull that he did not have the grudge to hit that deny button

Feb 8     my conversation with him  hanged on this day. reason= no chicha to call . I taught were doing ok for the past few days, I know he knew why I am calling him consecutively.

Feb 14   YM but nothing so important. he told me to sleep- ” for me it felt like he is irritated, and i should get lost”

Feb 16   he is online. WOW. but he is busy. maybe tom.

Feb  17  i did not get a hold of him, i have a class that morning. :-c 

Feb 18   i called him several time this day, and the day before, and the day before. hoping he will take some time to talk to me. answered his phone= nothing happened. I decided to PM him what i felt and what i have planned for. failed! he didn’t received it, so I “copy-paste”. reaction=nothing. I was crying, I am sorry, I told him everything, it felt  like someone pull off a torn in my heart. atleast he now knows.

Feb 19  called him. YM talk. im begging him to be with me. Pride thrown out the window. Face all over the floor. I dont care, I want him back. I taught he is about to say YES, but it ended up being a NO. cryin’, crying cryinggggg. Lastly, 3 voicemails. reaction= nothing. Not the person i knew,  i know!

Feb 20 called him. YM. still a NO. not the answer i want to hear but its a NO. begging him, begging him and begging him. Before when she hears me crying, he would want me to stop. Now even if i cries, and not be able to breathe, it does not matter to him. A stoned person i never knew before. I ask my friends, none of the reasons suits him best. That is why i dont want to let go, I dont undestand, I dont know!!!!  eyes are swollen, wasted body, headaches, 2am. 

No eat. ulcer. until now. A relationship will never be a relationship if there is only one person who wants it. even though how hard i tried, there is still nothing, not even a single sign.  I did not give up, but what can i do?

This morning at work, I received a text message for me to eat. its from him. tears. a co-worker even ask me if im crying. I lied that i yawned. i dont know what i felt. PAIN.

No apetite, i will open my books if i can study and not think of him. Its crazy! Im insane.

He told me he had thrown away his ring, our ring, and ask me to throw away all the stuff he had given me. PAIN. My head is asking me WHY. i dont know!

1 year and 8 months. a good foundation to start. but not anymore! I failed. im sorry!

There is more to say, but i have to end this now. 

If he does not come back, i’ll have to quit~